The Miracle of the Moment: Goodbye

6 MONTHS AGO-

 It was the day before I left for China, when I received a Facebook message from a young lady named, Rachel Winters. Rachel went to MBHOH in June of 2010. She lives just 30 minutes from me and we met through a mutual friend…actually, several mutual friends.
 In the email, she wrote words that helped me tremendously as I was preparing for my trip in China for 12 days. The last part I wrote down in my China journal, which I took with me and had at all times while in China. I wrote just a paragraph down of what she told me:
 “Enjoy every single minute while you’re there. Treasure the smells and the sights, even though the smells are completely disgusting. Let yourself feel – both pain and joy. Don’t wish for anything that’s coming up, but just let the Lord use all of you – heart, soul, mind, and strength – to bring HIM glory and to be HIS love to those sweet kiddos in every moment!”

 I almost have that memorized, because I kept that in my mind throughout the trip…live in THAT moment…don’t wish for anything head…just let the Lord use you in THAT moment.  That’s something I kind of have trouble with. I’m either in the past or in the future. I’m either living moments over again or planning, in my head. So, I kept reminding myself to live in EACH moment while it’s there.

 In my own opinion, I think I did a good job with that. I definitely appreciated everything so much more while I just lived in the “now.” And now, 6 months later, I’ll remember tiny details about that trip that will just make me smile. The feeling that I got when I experienced God’s presence as clear as could be, on the rooftop of MBHOH. The smell of the towels whenever I would dry my face off after a cold shower in the morning. The taste of the water in my bottle after it had set in the sun for hours while I painted. The feeling of children tugging my hair and slobbering all over me. Gabe’s hugs, Isaac’s smiles, Franky’s mysterious looks. Fighting jetlag while touring the Great Wall of China. The pain in my feet after walking all day. I love all of those moments and so many more. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

 One memory that I will share, tonight, has been burnt into my mind forever: goodbye.



Last hug



 Sunday morning, June 12, 2011, I woke up at 5am once again to get ready to leave. I was stressed with packing up, trying to fit all of my stuff in my suitcase, I had to dry my Show Hope shirt, pour my heart out in the MBHOH book. It was a crazy morning…people everywhere. In the midst, I was trying to find time to say goodbye to Franky. I got my suitcase, ate breakfast, and pretty much ran down to the Jungle Book Room. There she was. I walked to her, got on my knees to her level, I hugged her tight, picked her up, and tears gently started to fall again.  I held her one last time and I looked into her dark, dark eyes…while they stared back into mine. Her mouth hanging open like it always does. I whispered with all of the faith inside of me, “we’ll be together again.” Of course, she’s 2 years old, she speaks a different language….she didn’t know what was going on. But I continued with, “I love you.” She was flipping my silly bands at me while I did the hardest thing in my life. I didn’t care. I kissed her forehead and tickled her as she shot me a big smile. I watched her every move. Remembering her. Taking pictures in my mind. I never wanted to forget that moment.
 After just sitting there, with Madeleine, we avoided, “goodbye.” The Nanny took her and some others out of the room. I thought they were going to the playground or something. We couldn’t understand the Nannies when Madeleine and I asked where they went. Because they didn’t come back after a while. So, we went to the playground and they weren’t there…the two of us actually ran down the driveway, looking for them. We finally came back inside to find out that they went for a walk, they went way out, we could’ve never caught them. I actually never said goodbye to Franky. At the time, I felt like I needed to hug her one more time….I needed to see her one more time….I needed one more smile. Just one more. And, I was upset.
 Everything happens for a reason.
 Everybody says that: Everything happens for a reason. And I find it to be true.
 I think that there was a reason why they chose to take a walk the day we left…when they had all week. Or that they chose that morning, when they had all day. But they chose that moment…that unexpected moment. A part of me was angry with all of the “what if’s,” and “you could’ve.” But it happened for a reason. I didn’t know why at the time, but I later thought that maybe it would’ve hurt worse for her to see me leave than it was for me to see her leave. God planned it all out perfectly and knew very well just how fragile her heart can be. But, as I stood there in the lobby, my hopes sunk, my heart tore, and my tears of sadness fell rapidly down my face. I didn’t know if I would ever see her again….and if I did, it would be a long time. I was unsure about the future and in that moment, I easily decided that I’ve never done anything quite as difficult as leaving Franky.
 Everyone on my team knew my love for her. They all knew how much it meant for me to say goodbye to her and how much of a disappointment it was for me not to. So many people started hugging me. At the moment, I wanted to just be alone. I didn’t want to be asked if I was okay. Because I wasn’t. But, thinking of it now, I needed that. I needed them.

 When we were piling into the little Chinese bus, to leave, I agreed to sit in the front with my very good friend, Callan Kreidel. We took our picture in front of MBHOH and waved goodbye to the nurses, preschool teacher, etc. I sat by Callan in the front, and broke. I didn’t care for that moment…instead of, “I want this to be over with,” my thoughts were more like, “I never even wanted this to happen.” But, then I thought back to what Rachel told me: “Let yourself feel – both pain and joy. Don’t wish for anything that’s coming up….let the Lord use all of you in THIS moment.” I knew that there would be hard moments along with the joyful ones. It was hard to see the good side in that moment of pain, but, as I thought of that on the bus, a song popped into my head. I grabbed my iPod, put one headphone in my ear, the other in Callans. I turned it to the song, “Miracle of the Moment,” by Steven Curtis Chapman. The lyrics were right on, the notes hit home, the emotion in that song was unexplainable for what I was feeling….the song was perfect.
 One thing in particular really got me:
 “And if it brings you tears, taste them as they fall. Let them soften your heart. And if it brings you laughter, then throw your head back…let it go…let it go…let it go.”

 I sat there in awe of what God was saying to me. Callan squeezed my hand as tight as she possibly could and we cried together, all the way from MBHOH to the Luoyang airport.

 I wrote this whole experience - all of the moments that day – in my journal, on the plane from Luoyang to Beijing, whenever my travel buddies fell asleep. In the midst of snoring, giggling, Chinese talking that sounded like gibberish to me….tears streamed down my face as I wrote down each moment in my notebook.

 I closed that story with this:
 “Today, while I was rubbing Franky’s face and her dark, textured hair….I accidentally called her Sophie.”

 Now, I think it wasn’t accidental. Now, I think that not being able to say goodbye wasn’t accidental. Because not even two months after that heartbreaking moment, we got a call saying, “we found her file. She’s yours if you want her!” With all of the excitement and tears of joy, I realized that I never said goodbye because God knew that I was going to see her again. Not only see her ONCE more, but I get to see her for FOREVER. It wasn’t accidental that I called her Sophie, either…because God knew that her name would be Sophie long before she stepped foot on this earth!

 Isn’t God incredible? I am still amazed whenever I tell this story. I still get goose bumps whenever I stop to realize that she IS my sister. It still seems unreal for me.

Prayer Request:
Please, everyone, pray HARD that we receive our i800a very, very SOON. It is our next step in the process and we’re very anxious to be moving on.
 And, of course, that Sophia will stay healthy and happy while she waits for us and as we wait for her.



Isaac and Sophia!



PRAISE! (I love these:)
 I am so EXCITED for the Wright family!!!!! They will be heading to China for CHRISTMAS to get their precious little boy, ISAAC!....and BRING HIM HOME!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!! I am SO pumped. Isaac and Sophie are really great friends at MBHOH. They’re always together. I’m sure that they will be sad to depart from one another, BUT….when they’re both with their FOREVER families, they will only be two states away! I see lots of play dates in our future!! :) Ohhh my. I am so excited.

Thanks, everybody!

-Emily

Merry Christmas from the Edwards Family!!!

Steven Curtis Chapman's "Miracle of the Moment."


It's time for letting go
All of our if only's
'Cause we don't have a time machine
And even if we did
Would we really want to use it
Would we really want to go change everything


'Cause we are who and where
And what we are for now
And this is the only moment
We can do anything about


So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment


There's only one who knows
What's really out there waiting
In all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is he's out there waiting
To Him the future's history


And He has given us
A treasure called right now
And this is the only moment
We can do anything about


So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment


And if it brings you tears
Then taste them as they fall
And let them soften your heart
And if it brings you laughter
Then throw your head back
And let it go, let it go, yeah
You gotta let it go
And listen to your heartbeat, yeah


Breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

An Update

 The last month and a half have been very successful during our adoption process! I’ve received many opportunities to speak at churches about my experience in China and how it has changed our lives through adoption. The word has got out about the needs of orphans; my family has received great support financially through family, friends, and new friends….and I have conquered that great fear of mine, many times! Public speaking still scares me, but, I believe that I get better every time I put myself out there.
 Every time money is needed, it is there, right at that time. The words, “God will fund what He favors,” still send chills down my back. Last weekend, we were in need of $700 to complete the next step in our adoption. Sophie’s story was shared at two places last weekend. So, my brother and I came home from a church that I was speaking at, Sunday; and that weekend…..we were given $614. Just enough! God is so cool!
 Sophie’s book is coming along, as well! A friend of ours is working on the illustrations and they are beautiful. I’m so excited. We’re hoping that they will be done in time for Christmas gifts!

 Prayer requests:
 Please pray that God will speak to so many hearts, through our story, about His passion for the fatherless. Pray that God will speak to our fearful hearts of certain decisions that will be made. Pray that God will do GREAT things through our little children’s book. Pray for Sophie’s safety while she is a world away from her forever family. Pray that God will continue blessing us financially through this journey. Pray that everything will go smoothly and quickly so that Sophie can come home as soon as possible, and for the rest of us here waiting for her…pray that God will give us the strength that we need. Pray for my family, please.

 Since it is Thanksgiving weekend, I wanted to let everyone know how thankful we are for you. We are beyond thankful for your support and your prayers and even just reading this! We are so so thankful for your love to our family.
 Thanksgiving has been kind of hard this year, since part of us is across the world. Even though, I am incredibly thankful that God brought me to Sophia Grace when He did. And that goodbye wasn’t for forever….I’m thankful that God made Sophia and I sisters! I’m thankful for my little brothers and big brother that I am blessed with, and my amazing parents….soon we will be complete! I have faith that by next Thanksgiving, we’ll have more mouths to feed!

Thank you. So much. Every one of you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

-Emily

I ♥ Happy Weekends

Have you ever had a person in your life that just makes you happy? Maybe even several? Like, no matter how uncomfortable, scared, uneasy, upset, or just moody you are, you can’t walk away from that person without a smile on your face.
 Almost two weekends ago, I had the pleasure of spending time with my cousins in Kentucky to speak about my precious Sophia at their church! A couple of blogs before this one, I was writing about this, kind of, nervous feeling I had about going. I honestly don’t understand why now, but it took a lot of courage to do that.
 While I had this uneasy feeling, I had a great hour and a half chat with my cousin, Howard, on the way down. When you talk with Howard and his wife, Tammy, together, you can’t walk away not smiling.

 One thing that I’m assured of every time I talk with Tammy, is that we serve a God of details. Every tiny detail matters!
 I think one reason why we have a special bond, is because she told me that before I was even born, she knew what I looked like. Before my mom was even pregnant with me, Tammy had a dream that my mom was holding a baby…about a four month old baby girl, with dark, dark hair! She said my parents looked at her like she was crazy when she was telling them this, but just months after, my mom was expecting a little girl….me!
 I love that story she tells.
 And, one of the very many people that make me feel so loved, and so happy is Tammy Houston. She makes me feel like I can do anything.

 I got back from China on a Tuesday in hot, humid June weather. I don’t see Howard and Tammy a lot since they live so far away, but I saw them the Saturday after I got back from China, at our cousin’s graduation party. It was no mistake.
 I brought my laptop and showed everybody pictures of the sights, the children at MBHOH, and the little girl who captured my heart…..Miss Franky.
 Being back in the states for just a few days from a trip like that, I was still trying to process everything. I was still very emotional. A long talk with Tammy was just what I needed at that time. I told her all about Franky, story after story of her sweet smile and personality. I cried in fear that I would never see her again, but I left with faith that if it was in God’s favor, that He would move mountains.
 Weeks after, I received text messages out of the blue from Howard about God’s faithfulness, almighty strength, and encouragement to not lose hope.
 About a month and a half later, Howard and Tammy were very happy to hear that we had been matched with our girl and that Franky would soon be Sophia and have a family and home!

 Flash forward to the random text message just two weeks ago, asking if I would come and sing a few songs and tell my story at the Houston’s church in Kentucky.

 Although I’m not a great public speaker, I really feel like I was meant to go down there. As God spoke to me through the sweet people at Paint Lick Baptist, I’ve heard that God spoke through me as well.
 I went about 20 minutes over of my time I was told to talk, but…..you can’t say that I didn’t warn them that I was a talker. ;) It was really great. I was happy with how I did, and I’m usually not that way. I sang a couple of songs and quickly told my story of finding Franky.
 Aside from that, I had a wonderful weekend spent with my cousins, Howard, Tammy, Blake, April, and Brandon. I love you guys!

Oh! And get this! Just a few days ago, I was asked to come back! Whooo!

 I love happy weekends in the life of Emily Edwards. And, I feel like there will be many more to come! I have the pleasure of singing a song written by myself, called, “You Are Loved,” (otherwise known as “Sophie’s Song.”) tomorrow at my homeschooling co-op’s program. I’ve had a cold this week, so please pray that I will get my voice back in time! We will also have a table set up with info about adoption how you can help bring our Sophia HOME! :) Thank you all so much for your encouragement, kind words, and love towards my family.

 Happy Weekend!
-Emily

The Human Hand

“Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.” -1 Corinthians 12:27

“Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same  function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.” –Romans 12:4-8

 Throughout my life spent as a child of God, I’ve always wondered where in the body of Christ I belong. For every Christian, God has made special plans for their life and has a special part for him to serve. And, in a spiritual sense, I’ve always liked to believe that I serve in the hand area.
 In Science books, encyclopedia’s, or if you look up the human body on the internet, it always gives you this kind of map of man’s body. It lists organs, muscles, bones; where they are placed and how they are used. Every single part of our body works to let us do what we do.
 I’ve always been incredibly interested in learning about the body. And, I love how God uses the human body to set an example of the body of Christ: everybody as a purpose.

 My mother has always told me that my hands are pretty. Actually, a lot of people have told me that. I always thought it was kind of a weird compliment. My wrists are very tiny, and my fingers are long and boney. Even though my hands are very little, they have a great purpose in my body.
 My whole life, I never had one thing that I wanted to be when I grow up. Usually, children’s desires always are changing constantly, though. At my age today, 15 years old, I still have not narrowed any down. I’m a sophomore in high school and I’m starting to look into colleges and what I plan to do after I graduate. I eventually come to the answer, “I just want to be everything!” The truth is, I love too many things to pick one. I love to sing, play music, teach children, make short films, write, design clothes and houses, act, style hair, paint, take pictures, draw, travel, and make friends, and the list goes on. How could I possibly pick ONE for my future? Not to mention get married and have lots of children, start a family! People are crazy to try to make students believe that they can only choose one thing to do their whole life.
 Anyway, if you look at all of these things that I love doing and am somewhat good at…..you’ll find that the majority of what they all require are hands. God gave me my hands for all of these things.

 On this gloomy, rainy, October day, I was reading in my Biology book. I just started to become interested in it a few weeks ago after we got to the, “Human Anatomy and Physiology: Purpose and Design,” part.
 I was reading about muscles and bones, and there was a side note about the hand. I’m going to share what it said because I just thought it was awesome:

The Human Hand

Ordinarily, we give little thought to the mechanism of the hand. We simply take it for granted. And yet, the hand is one of the most wonderful features of the human body. The hand is so unique and so wonderful in its construction and function that it alone marks man as apart and distinct from every other creature. No other creature in the world, not even the ape, is equipped with an instrument comparable to the human hand. Normal human life without the hand would be inconceivable; without it man could never have become what he is or could have achieved what he has accomplished. Without it our civilization would be impossible. In everything that man has created, his hands in one way or another have been involved.
 Like the foot, so also the hand consists of a bony framework: muscles, tendons, fats, and nerve fibers. There are a total of 27 individual bones in the hand: 8 of these are in the wrist, 5 in the palm, and 14 in the fingers. The hand is so constructed that is lends itself to an unlimited variety of functions. But every act of the hand sets in motion a whole series of operations of the human mechanism. For example, to close the fist or make a simple grasping motion involves an array of muscles, joints, and tendons, all the way from the shoulder to the fingertips. Doing such a simple thing as lifting a spoonful of soup to one’s mouth involves more than 30 joints and 50 muscles, all of them functioning together in perfectly synchronized order.
The five fingers of the hand determine the variety and character of the manual manipulations. The most important of these is the thumb. It is the strongest and has a wider sphere of motion than the rest of the fingers. It provides the base against which the hand can perform a grasping or holding operation. The hand without a thumb has lost most of its usefulness, but a thumb with only two or even one finger is still an efficient mechanism.
While the hand is of the greatest importance to everyone in normal life, it is especially important to such people as musicians, artists, craftsmen, physicians, engineers, machine operators and, of course, many others. The hand can be developed and trained to perform astonishing feats. For example, it is estimated that a master pianist can strike over a thousand notes a minute. The well-trained typist will accomplish a similar feat. With the fingers of the hands, the skilled surgeon is able to perform a delicate operation which requires the precision of a mechanical instrument. The trapeze artist can develop the muscles of his hand to such a degree that he is able to hold with his hands and fingers many times his own weight and perform the most breathtaking stunts.
No other part of our body is intimately associated with man’s moods and general behavior. With our hands, we work and play. We create and destroy, we sow and reap, we build and construct; with them we love and heal, we communicate and express our emotions, we write books and create works of art. With our clasped hands, we express love, faith, and friendship, and with the clenched fist we threaten and attack. With the open hand we welcome friends and loved ones; the caressing hand expresses deep emotion and attraction, and with a handclasp we seal a solemn covenant. With our wringing hands we reveal the anguish of our soul, and with folded hands we express our devotion and reverence to our God.
The hand is a wonderful gift of the Creator to man. It is one of the seven wonders of the human body. Only and omnipotent and all-wise God could have designed and created the human hand.

 Everybody's hands has a miraculous purpose. They were given to you for a reason. "You are meant to be touching the lives that you touch." Go, touch the world with your God-given hands!!

"...There's not much I can do to repay all You've done. So, I give my hands to You..." -Jeremy Camp

 Happy Friday, bloggers!
-Emily

Fingerprints & Fundraising!

Rob, Caleb and I got up early this morning and made our way to the Indianapolis Department of Homeland Security U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services to be fingerprinted for our adoption.  Needless to say, we had never been there before.  It was a happy day bringing us one step closer to our little one. 

The waiting sometimes makes her seem like a dream to me.  I know she exist because I have pictures, videos and a huge spot in my heart for her but yet often I find myself wondering if this really will happen.  But while we wait, we have almost completed her room.  It is so cute!  Emily outdid herself again painting and sketching until it was perfect!  Her little clothes are all folded and hanging in her closet.  All awaiting her arrival! 

We continue to raise funds for the mountain of expenses that still are ahead of us.  Here are a few ways you can help if the Lord leads:

1.       We have an account set up at Lifesongfororphans.org that donations may be made on our behalf.  All donations are tax deductible.  Please use our account number: Edwards/#2406 when online.  Or donations may be mailed to:

Lifesong for Orphans

            PO Box 40/ 202 N. Ford St.
            Gridley, IL  61744

            lifesongfororphans.org

All donations will be put towards our puzzle that we are completing.  Each sponsored piece will have your name on it so Sophie will one day know the names of everyone who helped bring her home!

2.       We also have an account set up with Ordinary Hero where lots of cool merchandise can be purchased with 40% of all sales benefiting Sophia’s adoption expenses.  Make sure to click Rachel Edwards in the Affiliate box when checking out.   Not only will your purchase benefit us now but we could also win a $500 grant!  Three grants will be awarded to the affiliate who sells the most between the dates of Nov. 4 to Nov. 13!  So, go!  Start your Christmas shopping and change the world one heartbeat at a time!!!

      http://ordinaryherostore.org/

Thank you once again for your continued support and prayers.  It has carried us through some very dark and scary times! 

God bless,

Rachel

God, You're My Strength

 Yesterday afternoon, my mom, three brothers, and I were coming home from our homeschooling co-op. We were discussing the weekend and what all was going on. With six people in the family, 2 adults, 2 teenagers, 2 kiddos, life gets a little crazy....especially when we're all going different directions.
 For Saturday, Dad was going to a meeting, Mom was working, and Caleb was practicing with his band for upcoming events. So, I'm old enough to stay at home by myself but not old enough for a drivers license. This is where I spend most of my Saturday mornings and afternoons babysitting our little boys. Sometimes, two rowdy boys are hard to handle for a little 15 year old girl! But I seem to manage most days. :)
 Anyway, I was kind of bummed and really complaining about spending another weekend at home, without someone to talk to.....who understands me. ;)

Advice: Never complain.

 So, I got home, started to get ready to head to my cousin's house for a fall party. I got a text message from my cousin, Howard.....asking if I would come to their church in Kentucky to speak a little bit about China, Franky/Sophia, and sing a few songs. Pretty much just tell my story, and Sophie's story.
 Here's a fun fact about me: public speaking scares me. I get really nervous, and I'm kind of an awkward person. I freeze up sometimes and freak out. I'm not the best speaker....like, at all. I was tempted, and almost replied with the answer, "no." Not that I didn't want to....but I was afraid to.

Public speaking isn't my greatest strength. But, God has called me to step out of my comfort zone.

 I decided, at the beginning of this year, that I would step out of my comfort zone when I got the opportunity. Let me tell you, that I've received MANY opportunities this year to step out.
 ASK.....and you shall receive!

 After arguing with myself, I felt a feeling on my heart that I needed to do this. I agreed to travel to Kentucky for the weekend with my cousins, and to share what God has done in my life.

 So! On this Saturday morning, instead of sitting around, I am preparing and packing for the weekend. I am praying so hard that God will give me the exact words that need to be heard. I am also pretty excited.

 "There are days when you wake up and feel more insecure than others. There are times when I walk out on stage and wonder if I can do this. Then you have to remember, "God, You're my strength."
 -Britt Nicole
 I find myself repeating that last thing over and over again: "God, You're my strength." Even though public speaking isn't my greatest strength....His strength is perfect.
 (Doesn't this sound like Moses!? I've always said that Moses is my Bible twin. Haha!)

 Have a great weekend, everyone! If you get the opportunity to step out of your comfort zone.....take it. Even if it "kills" you. Even if it seems to have turned out terrible. God is your strength. Be strong and courageous! Joshua 1:9
 Kentucky, here I come!!!!

-Emily

Lifesong For Orphans

Finally, we have our account set up through Lifesong for Orphans. Now all donations can be tax deductible. Donations can be made through PayPal at http://www.lifesongfororphans.org/donation.html

Please use our account: Edwards/#2406. Or you may mail donations to:

Lifesong for Orphans
PO Box 40 / 202 N. Ford St
Gridley, IL 61744

Please remember to add our account in the memo.

Thank you so much for your continued support. It is humbling. We recently mailed our I-800a form to Immigration. We are now waiting for a date to be fingerprinted. This is the last paperwork that we need to complete our Dossier. Once it arrives, we then can mail all of our paperwork to China to be logged in. The wait is hard but we are having fun preparing Sophia's room as we wait! :)

Thank you once again for your prayers, love and support!

~Mama Rachel

http://www.lifesongfororphans.org/donation.html

All Over Again

 A few nights ago, I had a dream about Sophie. My family traveled to China, and to MBHOH, but not to get Sophie. This was before we had our paperwork finished, so I’m not sure exactly what we were doing. But we spent almost a day at MBHOH, and then we had to come back home.
 In my dream, before we left MBHOH, I told my parents, “I have to go see Franky before we leave.” So I ran down to the Jungle Book Room, and saw her….held her, played with her, laughed with her, and cried with her….all over again. I talked to her as she flipped silly bands at me, and sat with her mouth hung open. But then, in just a short time, we had to say, “Goodbye, “all over again. It didn’t feel any better either. I hugged her, smiled through my tears running into my mouth, and left the room.

 I knew that I would see her again. Just…another “goodbye” before we were together forever.

 But, my dream continued and I sat at this table with family. Before we left, the Jungle Book Room kiddos were walking in a line, to play on the playground. The children walked in a nice, single file line, and then Sophie was at the end….and she slowed down, staring at me, like she always did. I forced a weak smile and finally said, “I love you!” And she answered, as plain as day, “…..Love you too!” and walked away, all chipper.

 That was the end of my dream. Or at least, all that I can remember.
 I don’t know what it meant, but it made me really sad. It was like the heartache of saying goodbye and leaving, all over again.
 I told my mom about it, and she thought it might be that God’s letting me know that she is okay. Maybe that God’s telling me, by the words spoken from her mouth, that He is protecting her until she is with us. I am holding onto that, and remembering her little face that I saw so clearly in my mind. I am praying, so so hard that the day we meet again is not far away.
 I had that dream two nights ago, so yesterday she was on my mind more than usual. We went shopping a little bit that afternoon, for Sophie and the boys, and I couldn’t help but miss her with everything inside of me. Brodee asked yesterday, “Is baby ‘Soapie’ still in China? I want to talk to her. Can I talk to her on the phone?” Kadin and Brodee will be amazing big brothers.
 
Please pray that God will continue to watch over Sophie’s little body. And that I will keep my sanity while I am a world away from my precious little sister.  I’d like to also say a quick thank you for everyone’s response to our last blog. Your generosity is overwhelming and humbling! I am forever thankful for the love you all are showing to our family.

-Emily

Fundraiser

We have started a fundraiser that will allow you to be a part of bringing our Sophie home.  We have a 1,000 piece puzzle with Sophie's picture on it.  We are asking for sponsors to donate $5 per piece of the puzzle.  We will then put your name on the back of the puzzle.  When it is all complete, we will mount it in a glass frame that will allow Sophie to see all the people who helped bring her home.  Donations can be mailed to

Rachel Edwards
27201 Stipps Hill Rd.
Greensburg, IN  47240

Thank you in advance for your help in bringing our little girl home!

                             I will not abandon you as orphans; I will come to you.  John 14:18

Why So Much Money??

Many people have asked why international adoptions cost so much.  So I thought I would share a bit of where all the money goes and why (to the best of my ability):

*Indicates what we have already paid

Adoption Expenses in the United States

Application Fee                 $200*

First Program Fee            $2250*

Second Program Fee      $2260

Third Program Fee           $1650

Home Study                       $1500*

Physicals & Blood work  $900*

Care of the Child

Orphanage Fee                $5200

Translation & Document Expenses

Dossier Preparation        $450*

Adoption Registration

& Notarization                   $400*

Child’s Passport                  $100

Child Physical &

Photo                                    $80

Child US Entry Visa            $404

Court Validation Fee       Varies

Our Passports                    $270*

Passport Photos               $35*

Post Adoption Service

Post Adoption Deposit  $1000

Third Party Fees

USCIS Filing &

Fingerprinting                    $890

CCCWA Fee                        $1050

Child’s State

Birth Certificate                Varies

Travel & Accommodations Expenses

Visa to enter China          $280

US Document &

International Airfare       $1200-$1800 per adult

In-China Travel &

Accommodations             $2600-$3200 for two adults

Food                                    $600-$800 per couple

As you can see, we have a long way to go!  I’m finding out that everything tips towards the higher side and we have had some unexpected expenses as well.  But, God is good and HE owns EVERYTHING!  Nothing is impossible for HIM even when our checkbook screams from all of the intrusions!   We truly believe that the Lord has brought Sophia into our lives and we will be together soon enough. 

-Rachel

That's What Faith Can Do



Silly Franky :)



 Each minute spent with Franky, our relationship grew more and more. By the second day with her, I experienced her silly side. I was laying on the floor, talking to another little girl in the Jungle Book Room, Jaelynn. Franky walked over beside me and plopped right down on my belly, with the biggest smile.  

Franky and Jaelynn

Saying, "Goodbye"

 One morning, I went to the Jungle Book Room before breakfast, with a good friend on my team, Madeleine. A few minutes until 8am, I was given my cue that it was breakfast time, time to leave. Right as I gave Franky a hug, she grabbed two of my fingers with her little hand, not about to let go. She was dragging me to door, and making an odd face – what I learned, then, to be the face before she’s getting ready to burst into tears. I don’t know what she wanted, since she isn’t talking yet, but she was not letting go. Finally, one of the nannies took her, and Franky fell on the ground, crying. How on earth could I leave her like this? Madeleine finally was like, “Come on. Let’s go.” I watched her crying, through the window, as I had only one choice, to walk away. My heart shattered, and I walked away with tears flowing down my face, as I made my way to breakfast.
 Like I said, I don’t know what she wanted, but she was headed for the door. I still have that image in my head, today. It was like she was saying, “Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me.”
 I wrote this in my journal, and at the bottom, I wrote, “I can’t leave Franky anymore. We have to adopt her. That’s just it.”

 Leaving Maria’s pretty much killed me. I’ve said over and over again that leaving that place, leaving those children, leaving my sister – even when we weren’t, I knew in my heart that she was my sister….it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. Maria’s Big House of Hope is kind of a place, where you can’t leave and be okay with it.

 I came back home, on June 14^th. I a few short phone conversations with my family while I was in China, telling them about Franky. And they were on board with it. They were going crazy, calling agencies, and even got passports for China….while I was still in China!
 When my parents picked me up at the airport in Chicago, we got in the car, and I showed them a picture of Franky and I. I was kissing her forehead….it was when we said goodbye. And I came out and said it. “Guys. We have to go get her.” And while I was saying this, Mom pointed to a Target bag in the seat, beside me. I looked in the bag and found a picture frame, that said, “Sisters.”
 You know those crazy moments when everybody involved are all on the same page. Yeah, it’s called a God thing.
 From here on out, little “God things” keep happening.

 Anyways.  The whole month of June and July were very tough. We got in touch with an agency in Colorado, and waited and waited and waited.
 Something Chris Wheeler told us, when we were leaving China was, “When feeling’s fade, faith begins.” It’s okay to let your feelings go, was basically what he was encouraging. I kept that in my heart throughout the time I was “letting go.” And you know….letting go isn’t so easy – or, as easy as I imagined. Being in such a place, experiencing God’s presence in a whole new way, and just understanding God’s purpose for your life…and coming back to reality, it’s not exactly easy.
 The whole time of letting go of the experience, I had the picture of Franky crying in my head. I kind of took that story and viewed it, spiritually. I just couldn’t let go of her hand. Walking away, moving on with life has left me broken and torn apart. In the physical part, I knew that I would see her again later on that day, but for that moment….just for that moment…I had to leave her, hurting. And even leaving her to go back to my home, to be a world away from her, I knew I’d see her again. I know, today, that we will meet again, only we won’t have to say goodbye anymore.
 But out of nowhere, Father says, “Come on. Let’s go.” That’s when having faith began.


 Another short story, I’d like to share.
 In mid-July whenever we were still waiting to be matched, one song meant a lot to me, during that time. I had just come back from Washington D.C., when I got the news that we might not be able to adopt Franky. And I almost believed that we wouldn’t. The Sunday being back, somebody requested that I sang a song by Kutless, “What Faith Can Do.” I was in a bad mood from lack of sleep, and I hadn’t sang that song in a while, but I did it. And barely got through it, once it applied to my life.

 “I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn’t ever end, even when the sky is falling. I’ve seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That’s what faith can do.”


And so three weeks later, we got a phone call: “We found her file…she’s yours if you want her!” We couldn’t scream, “YES!” any faster. :)

That’s what faith can do.


-Emily Edwards

Franky and I

"I Found My Sister"

 In our first blog, my Mom talked about our family coming into completion, through adoption. It’s not an easy journey, but it’s worth it, and I feel like this is our…or at least my purpose of existing.

 We named this blog, Finding Franky, and it’s pretty self explanatory. We created this to share her story, my story, our story…
 My name is Emily Edwards. As of now, I live in a house with my Mom and my Dad, my older, biological brother, and my two younger foster brothers, in a tiny, tiny town in Indiana. Franky, soon to be renamed Sophia, is my little sister. She will complete our home soon, but for now, she is still in China.

 Not quite two years ago, I received a subscription email from Steven Curtis Chapman’s website, inviting students to join Show Hope (an organization to care for orphans) in visiting special needs orphans at a special care center, Maria’s Big House of Hope (MBHOH). Located in Luoyang, China, MBHOH is a huge, 6 story, blue building that houses and provides medical attention to some of the most precious children.
 Two things that stuck out when I read the email were 1) children and 2) China. I’ve developed an interesting fascination with China’s culture and its people ever since I was 10 years old and attended a Mission’s Camp where missionaries in China came as the Camp Missionaries. God has also put a love in my heart for babies, and young children. I enjoy teaching them about God’s love and trying to get inside of their understandings and thoughts about life, Jesus, etc. The mind of my four year old brother, Kadin, completely amuses me.
 Anyways. I spent the whole year of 2010 praying about applying to go on this 12 day trip to Luoyang, China. The more I talked about it, the more those around me thought I was crazy to want this. But, applying in November, and getting accepted in January, God has shown me over and over again that it has always been in His favor for me to serve in China.
 The Lord wasn’t only moving in my heart, but also my Mother’s, while I prayed about this trip. When we tell our story about Franky, my Mom says over and over again, “We’ve always known that our family was incomplete.” But honestly, I never knew that until a year ago when my Mom was really considering adoption through the foster care system. I had always wanted a sister, older or younger, didn’t matter. I’ve always to be a big sister, live in a big family, with lots of older and younger siblings….just like the Waltons! Haha. But, I never thought that small desire was God’s will for my family. And it turns out that that was a HUGE desire in my Mom’s heart. I guess we just never talked about it….until a year ago.
 Now, we’ve done foster care in the past, when I was really young, but after our license expired several years ago, we never renewed it. But, Mom brought the four of us together, and just laid it out there…”What do you guys think about getting our foster care license again, only fostering to adopt?” This rocked our world.
 So, my desire for the privilege of being an older sister grew and grew until I realized that I had a little sister in this world, I just never knew her. Have you ever wanted something so bad, that you’re just miserable? The realization of the existence of my little sister broke my heart….and I didn’t even know her. Not a name, not a face, not a location of where she might be….but I knew she was out there. (I never expected China, though!!!)
 My trip was in June, so from January to June, God had a lot to show me.
 My family finished the process of getting their foster care license in January, so we did a lot of waiting. We inquired about several children, we drove many miles to meet some children, overnight stays, we developed attachments, to whenever things fell through, it hurt on both sides. To make a long story short, January to June – the first 6 months of 2011 were horrible. I got my hopes up a lot and many hearts were broken. I mean….God has a huge heart for orphans….when you feel like you’re finally doing something right, and everything goes wrong, it really hurts. It really does…I can’t explain the pain, tears, and sleepless nights that were experienced during this time. But, even though it was a dark time, God was still working…He was working at something SO much bigger than we had planned.
 Besides the deal with fostering to adopt, God sent little signs after signs, reminding me that I was supposed to go to China. One of the many things that I’ve learned out of this, my fellow bloggers, is that we serve a God of details. To God, every little detail matters. Every single piece of the puzzle completes the big, pretty picture in the end.
 I had no reason to believe that God did not create me to go to China. Tiny things would happen and I would just sit back and say, “Okay God… Another reminder that You want me in China...” Even the little old ladies at church, (that even prayed that I wouldn’t be able to go!) would hug me and say, “The Lord has amazing things for you, over there…”
 One day, when I was talking to my Grandma, I said, “Man.. I don’t know what God has for me in China…but it’s going to be incredible.” And she answered, “Well, maybe you’ll find your sister?”

Bam. That sentence slapped me across the face. And for a moment, I felt like everything in my life made sense. When I think about it now, every detail, every predicament, every desire has led me to Luoyang, China….and I had no idea.


 In mid-May, things were really crazy with getting geared for China. I had half way met some of the people of my team via Facebook, and I saw a link posted by someone from my team, it was a video on Youtube, posted by Show Hope….the children of MBHOH! And I was like, Oh yay! These are some of the kids I’m going to meet! My Mom and I were watching it, when it came to the clip of this little girl, with dark hair, and an ornery smile. I swear, it was only about three seconds long. But, when we saw it, we rewinded it and paused it on this little girl, named, Franky. It was crazy, because she looked exactly like myself, when I was around a year and a half. The smile, the hair, (if hers were only curlier!) and even the way she was standing, the mischievous look on her face….we all stopped and was like, “She so looks like Emily!” We compared the paused picture on the video and one of my baby pictures, it was crazy.
 Three weeks later, I was China bound!
 We left on the 3^rd of June, Friday, and arrived at MBHOH, late, on Sunday night. Monday morning, the whole team went nuts, so eager to see the babies that we’ve only heard about and seen pictures of! I was incredibly pumped myself, and pretty much just followed other people around, since this was a whole new ballgame for me.
 That afternoon, we had our first team devotion at MBHOH. One of our leaders, Chris Wheeler, told us to pick one of the children – not to pick favorites….but, like, there are a lot of children in that big house, and as our team of 21, and as one person, we obviously can’t love on every single child, but we can love one. So, our goal for the week was to pick one child, learn about them – their likes, dislikes, medical problems, etc., and just love them. Be God’s hands to them.
 My mind automatically went to Franky. I hadn’t met her yet, I didn’t know where she was in that building, or if she was even still there. And I got scared. I was so afraid that she wasn’t there anymore. It was a feeling that I don’t think I ever experienced before…. I felt like I was going to burst into tears at any given moment. I don’t know why, because I didn’t know a thing about her. My wonders of her were based on a three second video clip.
So, my heart raced rapidly, as I walked up to our other leader, Melissa, to ask if she was there, and where she was.
 Yes. She lives in the Jungle Book Room, on the first floor.
 I think I ran all the way down the first floor and to the Jungle Book Room. Then, I walk in…and there she is. I opened the green door, and she was waiting on the other side, ran to me, arms up. It all happened so fast that I didn’t even know what to feel. I had my notebook with an empty page, ready to fill out everything I could learn about this kid, my ink pen, and my blue water bottle.
 There was a group of people, Nannies, and children in the middle of the floor….smiles, laughter, joy….and I sat on the outside of the clump of people, sitting on the mat, just trying to grasp everything. Franky would take all of my things, rip my notebook to pieces, and she carried my water bottle throughout that whole room. And she just stared at me, never taking her eyes off of me. It was as if she knew that there was something about me, as I knew that there was something about her as well.

 The first and only words that I could find to put in my devotion book, and in my China journal, was, “I’ve found her. I found my sister.”


This is a really long blog, so I decided to stop here. I feel like I’ve shared a lot, but I’ll share more of the time we spent together, later on.

-Emily Edwards
 

                                           Franky enjoying some Birthday cake! She has a
                                            sweet tooth, just like her big sis:)

                                           Franky (left) and Little Emily (right) about 2yrs old.