Snow and Life Lessons and Trust

 I’ve become quite the planner in the past year or so.  As much as I love it, it has gotten me very overwhelmed so many times.  Balancing home schooling, a college class, family, church, a job, music, exercising this semester….balancing my spiritual life, social life, work and school life….it’s been rough on this anxious little body of mine!

 It’s Christmas time and I love Christmas. It means parties and programs and family and, for me, missions. December is the month of the Lottie Moon Christmas Offering and I just love her story and telling it. Reading about Lottie’s life story over a year ago ignited a passion in me that never really died. Maybe because our hearts have the same homes….Heaven, China, and I really do love Virginia.
 I think it’s a lovely time to reach out to the many people who hurt around this time, and challenge my peers to live for something bigger than their own lives….something called the Gospel.

 On Monday, this week’s load appeared on my to-do list. Since I can only take one week at a time, I became very overwhelmed by what I needed to do before the weekend. Panic settled in. I’m having a friend over tonight, Thursday is a math test that I haven’t sat down to understand yet, we have a mission project this Saturday followed by our Missions Night for the Lottie Moon Christmas Offering…  
This season has been a learning lesson for number of things. One of those, the biggest, being trust. I think I mentioned in the last blog or something, but it’s been hard. I think trust is a hard one for everyone in different areas. Whether it’s not having enough money, dealing with a sickness, unanswered prayers, finals, no sign of a knight in shining armor coming soon…. I think everyone battles with trusting God. Maybe because we cannot physically see Him. And I think a lot of our trust problems and worries and anxiety are triggered by not knowing. Not knowing what the future holds. Realizing we’re not the keeper of the pen to our lives. I cannot see what’s coming up, what’s ahead of me, and honestly, it really just scares me.

 Monday morning, my knees became weak, once again; my heart started racing, my throat felt like it were shrinking, and the tears began to well. How in THE world am I going to do this and do it well…   A very sweet friend of mine shared 1 John 5:14-15 with me right then:

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us – whatever we ask – we know that we have what we asked of him.”
 Before you do anything else… Pray.

 Every day, I have to wake up and make the choice of holding my plans so dear to me or giving them over to Christ. I have dreams and goals and desires but I have to constantly give them to Christ and with all of my might, make the choice of saying, “this is what I would like to go after, but I want what You want.”
 Trusting Jesus means laying down every hope and dream at the foot of the cross and leaving them there.
 A wonderful lady in my life once prayed, “Father, we lay these requests at Your feet and please help us to not pick them back up.”
 I really think that’s what trusting in Jesus means.

 That’s what I’m learning to do. With unanswered prayers, with math tests, with to-do lists. And it’s just plain difficult sometimes.

 As much as I was looking forward to all of the events this weekend, I was praising Jesus for the snow storm, here in southeastern Indiana. I truly didn’t like cancelling all 500 plans this weekend, but I think this restful weekend was necessary for my heart and my body.

 Yesterday, I finished editing a short film and didn’t even get out of my pajamas until 5:00pm. Today, I slept in later and crocheted and played in the snow with my family. Rescheduled all of my plans for another weekend. And guess what? It didn’t kill me to do that. And I’ve been beaming with pure joy because Jesus really, really loves me and He wants His daughter to rest. So, that is what I want.

 
God’s plans for your life are bigger, deeper, wider, and better. He says in Jeremiah that when we seek Him with our whole hearts, we will find Him! Weary child, hand your dreams over. Be still, for the Lord is fighting for you. Breathe. We know you love Christmas, but you won’t love it anymore if you don’t slow down and chill. (wise words from my mama tonight)

 Y’all, snow really can teach you things.

Broken

 The past two weeks have sure been something else.  I’m pretty sure the entire month of September, I carried around this huge list of things I needed to get done – with school mainly and other random things I’ve just needed to finish.
 I’m really big into lists and this list was big.  But, I can do it.  Because I’m super woman, right?  Right?  Wrong.

 I love success.  I truly love accomplishing things, feeling good about myself, getting many things done.  I wish I didn’t love it that much, but I do…and it’s gotten me in trouble.  You see, as much as I’d like to believe and let people believe that I have fully trust the Lord with my life and everything inside of it, I still hold my strength, my abilities so close to me.  Because? Trust is hard and it means that I have no control and I don’t get a plan written out in advance.  And the human inside of me loves to be in control, loves to see, loves to succeed.

 But, weeks went by quickly and the list never got shorter, it just constantly screamed at me, you can’t do it this time! You.can’t.do.it.

 But I can do all things! I’ve loved Philippians 4:13 ever since I was really small because of its positivity and when life screamed, you can’t do it, I always say, “I can do all things!”
 This is great, but in the last week, I’ve just realized that I’m missing out on the verse as a whole.

 

 Earlier today, Mom came into my room with Sophia skipping along behind.  We laid down, stared at the ceiling, and began to spill our weary hearts out with everything making life difficult.  Ridiculous Algebra homework.  Prayer requests that seem unheard.  Discouraging phone call about Sophia’s medical needs.  Millions of calls to be made and bills to be paid and college applications and a dirty house and I’m not good enough and I’m just tired of this and I want Jesus.

  Friends, my heart is weary.  And fixing all of these problems is simply impossible.

 Right at that time, Sophia wanders around my bedroom, just looking for something to get into.  She rips my full length mirror off of my wall, brings it to us, plays with it a little bit, bends it, bam. Glass…broken glass….everywhere.
 Glass in my floor, glass in my bed, glass in my shoes.  Broken glass scattered everywhere.  I studied the frame to see if it were repairable…absolutely not.  Looks like I’m going to the store.

 I could try to repair it by myself but it would look terrible and wouldn’t get the job done.  I could try to stand it up by itself but it would fall to pieces because it’s broken.

 I realized that this was my life.
 I’ve been broken this whole time.
 I try to stand myself up but I fall apart because….I'm broken.
 And…this whole time, I’ve repaired my brokenness with my own hands and my own abilities.
 And it’s a joke.  Because we all know that the only way we can get the job done after being broken is being made new.
 Made new in Christ.

 

 I can’t do anything.  I can’t complete this heavy load of hard things to do that I’ve carried on my back for months.  I can’t heal my sister or fix terrible situations or make all of these problems disappear.  My strength alone can only go so far and after it’s quickly gone, I’m weak, I fail, I mess up.
 But the second and most important part of Philippians 4:13 has become clearer to me than it ever has been.  Friends, it is THROUGH CHRIST that we have strength to do all things.  I can do all things, but only through Christ who strengthens me.  Hallelujah.  It is by His stripes I am healed…by His power I am raised from dead into new life….by His finished work on the cross I am free.

 

 "My flesh and my heart may fail,
 but God is the strength of my heart
 and my portion forever."
 Psalm 73:26

Keep Fighting The Good Fight

 Last summer, my family was coming home from China, with my brand new sister, Sophia!   We were scheduled to land in Chicago at around 5:00 that evening, but because of storms, we were landed in another town in Illinois for about two hours, knowing we would miss our flight home, and our family that awaited us at the airport.  Disgusting feeling, let me tell you.
 But while we sat on the plane, I turned on my phone just for it to explode with text messages and things…including a facebook message from a friend I hadn’t spoke to in years, Elizabeth.
 I knew Elizabeth from when she used to come to church, we were in youth group together, and she was my neighbor.  The message she sent to me was asking for help, help to get back to God, to turn from the path she was headed down.
 This began the start of many facebook messages, text messages and phone calls.  Talking about lies that Elizabeth had heard that didn’t match up with God’s Word, lies on how to live, lies on how to find happiness.  Lies that the world threw at her and that she believed. With every odd ball question she threw at me, I remember always telling her, “Elizabeth, the only truth you’ll ever find is in Jesus.  If what you’re believing isn’t what God says is true, then it simply is not true!”  I remember getting so frustrated.  I remember coming to my dad in his study room, saying this is what Elizabeth is saying now, how in THE WORLD do I even try to answer that. 
 
Now, I know Elizabeth doesn’t mind me saying this, because now, she tells people the same thing when she shares her story.

 You see, this was just over a year ago.  I had the privilege of picking her up and taking her to church in the last few months.  I had opportunities to pray over her and for her and introduce her to some of my girl friends who leave me loving Jesus more each time spent with them.  And not only me, but I believe everyone began to see this young lady changing.

 Three weeks ago today, I waved goodbye across the church parking lot to who has become one of my very best friends.  Because three weeks ago today, Elizabeth got on a plane for the first time and traveled to Texas to spend 10 months learning about Jesus Christ and how to teach others about the Savior of the world. 
 
None of this really hit me until an hour ago.  Elizabeth called me and we chatted for an hour and a half about funny stories, my family, her adventures, boys, friends, prayer requests, our dreams and our prayers.  And I plan to never forget this moment.  “Emily,” she asked, “please pray for my friend.  This person challenges me and throws weird beliefs at me and I’m trying to tell him the truth about Jesus but it’s really hard and it frustrates me so much!  Sometimes I want to yell, ‘why can’t you just see!?’” It reminded me of something very familiar… And she went on to say, “I know that’s probably how you always felt with me.” We laughed because she totally read my mind. “I’m always telling myself to have patience with them like you had patience with me this whole time!”
 Insert tears now.  The biggest smile is on my face as I type this.

  As we hung up, I immediately thought of 1 Timothy 6:11-12, “But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of faith.”
 And, later, one of my favorite verses ever…  2 Timothy 4:5-7, “But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry. For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”

 I love the wisdom, instructions, and encouragement that Paul gives to Timothy in these verses.  And it reminded me that Elizabeth is my Timothy all because the Lord sent my parents to be my Paul.  All because Aunt Georgie was (and still is) my Paul.  Because my brother, Caleb, is my Paul.  Because I’ve had a lot of Paul’s and I’m so beyond….beyond thankful for that.  And now Elizabeth has her own Timothy’s to take under her wing.

 I’m just in awe of the goodness of Jesus.

 So, friends, you truly never know the lives you are changing today.  Take every opportunity you get to spread the Truth….even if it’s hard, even if it’s not ideal.  Keep having patience.  Keep forgiving.  Keep standing up and standing strong.  Keep the faith.  Because you just may never know whose Paul you might be.

 Keep fighting the good fight, friends.

 

Elizabeth and I in 2010
Let's just ignore the fact that I'm dressed as a clown...just...don't ask.

 

Elizabeth and I in 2013
Our day off during our Builders For Christ mission trip in Tennessee.
I cleaned up a bit, huh?

 

Elizabeth today in Texas
Supporting and sharing about her school and loving people like she does best!

Follow Elizabeth's adventures with Christ here:

 

http://elizabethestes212.blogspot.com/

Serving God in a Season of Staying

My, it has been so long since I’ve written. Life is crazy, calendar is packed, schedules are going ninety different directions…

I decided to start blogging again. It is June, and this is the time for adventures! ;) Even though my adventures are not in China this time of year again, life is still adventurous….life is always adventurous no matter where it takes you.

The past year has been a season of many things, but mainly, a season of staying. I really love to go places and to explore new parts of the world, but, the past year has taught me to find adventure in my home…to find GOD in my home.
You see, when I think of adventures, I think of mission trips. When I think of mission trips, I think of foreign countries. And, when I think of foreign countries, I think THAT’S where God is. I have to go seven thousand miles away, this Summer, to find God.
But, I’ve learned something very important, recently: experiencing the presence of God starts in my home…or even closer, and more so, in my heart.

In March, I had the wonderful opportunity to share my songs and our adoption story at the Pure Girl retreat at Highland Lakes for two weekends in a row. The retreat, each weekend, consisted of about 100 8-12 year old girls, their Mommies, aunts, friends, mentors, Grandma’s, etc.
I was in charge of one of the Saturday breakouts, A Servant’s Heart, where I talked about my experience in missions! Something that I felt led to share with the young girls was something that I needed to hear myself.
In my breakout, I talked about my camp experiences, there, at Highland Lakes, I told stories of my times in China, our involvement in orphan care, and our story of adoption. I, then, closed with what true ministry and mission work is.
“You don’t have to be a certain age to follow God and you don’t have to travel thousand of miles to serve Him,” I told them, “You can be a missionary right now! In your home, in your community, in your school, in your church…..wherever you are, that is your ministry.”

What the Lord gave me to say to those girls was exactly what He was trying to say to me all year long.

Even though I feel the Lord calling me to China, it doesn’t mean I can’t be a disciple where I am now. My young age keeps me from that now, obviously…but it, in no way, keeps me from serving God here.

I believe that truly experiencing the presence of God starts, smack dab, in the middle of our hearts. The God of satisfaction isn’t just thousands of miles away, He lives in the hearts of every son and daughter of His. All we have to do to hear His voice is simply silence our mouths and listen. If we can’t learn to be satisfied in the Lord, right where we are, then there is no way that we’ll ever be completely satisfied anywhere else.

I also have learned that serving God ultimately starts at home. Like, if you have a strong “hankerin’” to live your life for more than yourself, you don’t have to pack up for Africa and hold lots of fundraisers, simply wash the dishes and help your Mom out a little bit. While those huge things are amazing, missions does not have to stop at the end of your mission trip…or start there either. You can serve today with small things that make a huge difference later.
My ministry today is, as I have found out to be, a lot of things! My ministry is helping my little brothers with their kindergarten home schooling; my ministry is exercising and encouraging my friends to do so; it’s taking time to study for my tests rather than just getting by; my ministry is teaching the young people at my church; my ministry is preparing lunch for my siblings while Mom is running errands; it’s being a big sister, it’s praying for my friends; playing “Jesus Loves Me” at our local nursing home; smiling at the post office lady as I send my letters; dressing modestly; waking up earlier to accomplish more things… Serving God can be all of these things that come with every day life. Serving God can even be waiting, trusting in His timing.

　

I tried so many times to have an adventure this Summer. I looked into more China trips, Italy trips, Ireland trips, some Scotland trips, more and more China trips, even New York trips…. But each time, with all of the loud voices shouting, GO HERE, GO THERE, God kept whispering, “..stay.”
I am very positive that hundreds of people applied to those trips, and hundreds of people will go on those trips and serve those people and hold those babies. But who will stay here and choose to serve our neighbors in small ways that make huge differences?

Financially, I wasn’t able to go on any of the trips. And that’s okay. Because I believe that God has big plans for me in growing, gaining strength, and learning…in this season of staying. And I’m so excited to go on the adventures that God has for me this summer!

So what are my summer plans? I will be preparing for my Senior year of high school by digging into the three-inch-thick books on my desk. I’ll be assisting in the preschool class at our VBS. I’ll be teaching 1^st-3^rd graders at my church on Sundays and leading our youth bible study on Wednesdays. I’ll be helping at a missions camp (yay!), I’ll be joining our church as we spend a week in Tennessee, building another church. I’ll be making projects for 4-H. I’ll be finishing my documentary film. I’ll be playing a couple of concerts nearby. I’ll be running my first 5k. I’ll be going to my favorite camp (and helping teach this year!). I’ll be playing at the swing set with the littles.
That sounds like a pretty adventurous summer to me!

　

How will you serve God today?

Love Is Patient

 It’s late…and I have an early morning with a busy day ahead of me… but look where I am. I have needed to write for a long time, but haven’t. But,  I need to write this, now.

 

Over two months ago, I wrote a story in my journal on June 21, entitled, “Love Is Patient.” It was day four with Sophia, and I wrote these words during her nap, by the window in our hotel in Zhengzhou:

  

“Love Is Patient

I haven’t said it to anyone but my parents, but, Sophie isn’t as close to me as she was a year ago.

 Several of people have asked if I think she remembers me. My answer is always no, and I believe what I say. For many reasons, I think, she wouldn’t remember me: 1.) she’s young, 2.) I was only with her for a week, 3.) it’s been a year, 4.) a lot of people go through MBHOH and she was a favorite, and 5.) she’s been through a lot of change since I saw her. So, no. She doesn’t remember me at all. But that’s okay, because I never, for one minute, forgot about her.

 Today is the fourth day that we’ve had our Sophia. Yesterday was a good day…the latter part was... after we prayed over her. We walked to McDonalds and took in a lot of the beauty of Zhengzhou. We got good exercise and Sophia LOVES riding in her stroller! Which is great because we do a lot of walking on this trip. But anyway, yesterday was good.

 They told us before that the children will normally choose one family member and maybe refuse one. She hasn’t exactly refused anybody but she has definitely chosen Mom. Which is okay. I’m very happy for that! I’m so happy that she has chosen Mom for her security feelings…Mom loves that Sophia loves her. And I truly wouldn’t want it any other way.

 I would be telling a lie, though, if I said that I’m completely okay with Sophia not wanting me. It isn’t easy for me to see her changed from last year. It isn’t easy for me to watch her run away from all of the love I have to give her.

 Even though, she has greatly changed from when I first met her, something that has not changed is my love for her.

 My love for Sophia has never changed from last year. I never stopped loving her, in fact, I have grown more in love with her with each day that I have waited for her.

 The Lord says in the Bible that love is patient. So, I must be patient for her to love me back. I will wait for her.

 

 This morning, in Zhengzhou, China (6-21-12), Sophia came to me for the first time on her own free will. She let me hold her for just a while and laid her head on my shoulder.

  

 Love is patient.”

 

 I read the exact words that I wrote seven thousand miles away from where I am now, and two months ago. And I realize how far God has brought her in just those two months… It is truly incredible. It is incredible because I look at pictures from our “Gotcha Day” and I see a very different girl. I see a scared little girl meeting her family for the first time and not knowing how to react to the great change. Today, I see joy beaming out of her slanted eyes and she shoots giant smiles to everyone…Today, I see a happy little girl covered in peace given only by her heavenly Father. I see a princess who is no longer an orphan. And every morning, I wake up to Sophia’s shining face as she makes eye contact with me…waves “hello”…and runs to her big sister with the biggest smile…I pick her up and receive the biggest hug, with her legs wrapped around my waist and her arms completely around my neck…the tightest, sweetest embrace. And I stand in peace….in hope…that the Lord is good, the Lord is right, the Lord is on my side and fighting for our family… that we are where we belong, together.

 We are doing well. As much as I tempt to believe that my whole world is falling apart and that we’re fighting a losing battle in some areas…I know that we are truly doing well. Especially for two months. We’ve seen huge improvements in Sophia’s development, she started seeing Occupational, Physical, and Speech Therapy last week, and I’ve already learned a LOT about her. We expect great things. Her first appointment at Riley Hospital is in a couple of weeks. Please keep praying for her little body. Remember, the God that is in our hearts is a healing God, a loving God, and a miracle-working God.
 Also, please remember Samuel and Isaac, Sam started Kindergarten two weeks ago, and Isaac in preschool. It is rough starting a new routine and everything that follows with that, but we are working on improvements. We need prayers, but we are doing well. I truly believe that God has big plans for our little guys.
 With Caleb in college, me a Junior in high school and beginning to drive, Mom and Dad working with everything mentioned above, life gets a little crazy. Just a little bit…
 Please remember my parents in prayer…they play big, important roles….literally 24/7. It never ends for them…through the night and all. They are heroes to their children, all of us. The Isaacs said it best, “…they keep on giving, to make life worth living. They might go unnoticed, but they’re heroes just the same…”

 Thank you for the continuous love to our family. God bless.
 Love is patient....1 Corinthians 13:4.



Sophia loves bath time!

 

 

-Emily

Goodbye, Summer!

 I know, I know, I know. I am fully aware that I haven't written in such a long time. And I know that you all want to hear more from us now that we're all home! Haha, I am aware.
 Now that everyone is starting school and settling back down from a crazy summer, I hope to blog more and share more pictures with the blog world. Please forgive me.

 Sophia has been home for a month and a half now, she's in our arms for two months. We have seen GREAT changes in her! We look back at pictures from our "Gotcha Day" and see such a changed little girl - we believe that she's changed so much on the inside that she looks different on the outside. She's a very happy little girl now and I think that is just a precious gift and miracle from God. How far He's brought her in two months gives me hope for her beautiful future.


 On another note, today is MY last day of summer! Boooo. But, surprisingly, I'm very excited to start a new school year. Starting tomorrow, I will begin my Junior year of High school.
 This summer has had so many adventures, so-happy-you-cry moments along with the very difficult, so-frustrated-you-cry moments. As any adoptive family could relate, the transitions and settling in hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies... We've come very far, though, and still, we have a long road ahead of us, we will get through with time, patience, love, and mostly our faithful Father.
 Last week was Isaac's first week of Preschool, Samuel's first week of Kindergarten, and Caleb's first week of college in KY. So, you can imagine the crazy week we had!

 But, anyway. I had a very nice last day of summer. We had church, I taught my 1st-3rd graders, had lunch at Mamaw and Papaw's, had some friends over and played ping-pong, had piano time, a short nap time, Sophie and I came home to help Caleb pack more stuff as he left for KY, made a snack for the road, blew goodbye kisses to Caleb, cleaned the backyard, played on the swing set, painted our toenails, and had messy indoor s'mores!
 This evening, it was a Sophie and Emily time, and we made the best of it. I don't know if I've ever smiled and laughed that much with someone I can't actually have a conversation with! Kisses, laughter, bare feet, slides, tickles, wagons, Sunday dresses, cool weather, swings, piggy back rides, joyful screaming, pretty hair bows, m&ms, and such a big smile from that princess that I couldn't even see her eyes!



 Sophia's new thing is climbing up the slide and sliding down all by herself. She loves it...she's definitely a climber! As we were playing on the slide, I was climbing right behind her to catch her if she fell. She was doing really well, but almost to the top, she stumbled and fell into my arms, I paused to see if she was scared or hurt but she just giggled and smiled and got right back up again. And once we she made it to the top, she shot me a giant grin and clapped her hands as loud as she could! It was the sweetest thing in the world.
 From a girl that can speak about 4 or 5 words, I can sure learn a lot from her. Many times when I am trying something new or something hard, I get really mad if I fail..and I'm not very quick to start again. I am a perfectionist and I always have been. But, I learned something awesome from Sophia tonight: I don't have to be a perfectionist. I don't have to try to be perfect because I am human and I make mistakes. It's sometimes hard for me to accept that I'm allowed to make mistakes, I'm sure everyone reading this can relate.
 But, we took our sandals off, got dirty even in my favorite white skirt, painted toenails even though she was right behind me, touching them...we ate s'mores and and it WAS messy!
 I had a wonderful time this evening and I think Sophia did as well.

 It's okay to get dirty and make a complete mess. It's okay! It's alright to make a few mistakes and to laugh along the way, as long as you try again. It's actually very fun. So? Go and get dirty. Go and have fun and make a mess. Just do it. Have a good time. Make memories.

Happy week, bloggers!

-Emily

Adoption Video

 Check out this video made by Big Sister, Emily, of the Edwards Family's adoption story! Share with your friends and keep those prayers coming!

Love to all!
-Emily

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NY958NsGFG4